The Black Farmer Rides Again

It's rare for Hyena to feel truly inspired by a politician, but she has to hand it to the fantastic, self-styled "black farmer of Chippenham", Tory PPC Wilfred Emmanuel-Jones. Aside from recording his brave gallivanting about town on a led horse, his Youtube channel, theblackfarmer, features a montage of all-British food recipes set to music and footage of him canvassing in a black leather cowboy hat.

The most inspiring part, however, the real genius behind this campaign, is the way the words "I am on Your side" occasionally flash up on the right-hand side of the screen, for no apparent reason. He's certainly got one voter convinced.

Chopin

A much older version of this guy was playing Chopin in town last night:

The Post-Post-Bureaucratic Age

Hyena will post some cogent thoughts on the subject later, but for now here's a sketch she did of a few speakers at yesterday's "Post-Bureaucratic Age conference." By the end of this committee, most of the speakers had thoroughly agreed that we need better, not fewer, bureaucrats, and that transparency should not come at the cost of hurting their feelings. And Stephan Shakespeare had still not remembered to do up all of his shirt buttons. Luckily for the Tories nearly all the media had left by that point.


Still, at least you could count on Heather Brooke and the TPA to stand firm.

The Kindness of Strangers

Look what just popped into the Guy News mail box for Guido....



A whole box of the stuff.

Meltdown

Here's a track Hyena can't get out her sleepy head:

Ooh Tiger

Sleepy day in the office today as Hyena boredly browses camera batteries and ruminates on how best to affix an entire 11m tall roll of green screen around the walls of a room without damaging the paintwork of our new positively pedantic landlord. Punctuated by sounds of amused scorn as Kay Burley tries to drum up drama over Tiger Woods' highly stage-managed mea culpa before the world's rapt camera lenses.

Kay continues to outdo herself asking pure gold questions of clueless commentators, such as: "One word he was reluctant to mention in relation to that therapy he's going through was sex, the sex therapy. Do you think he was trying to play down the sex angle?"

Spurious Tiffs

ITN reports that Shadow Health honcho Andrew Lansley has refused to attend a conference (or to, ahem, give it, in one's most pompous voice, "spurious legitimacy") held by his counterpart Andy Burnham on care of the elderly.

Could it be because of a recent heated encounter in the corridors of power? Amidst the furious rush of the death tax poster campaign last week, a reportedly tired and emotional Andy Burnham accosted Lansley at one point and started throwing around some none too pretty language at the Tory abandonment of cross-party talks. And I don't mean language like "spurious."

Against Treating Groups as "Vessels for Votes"

To those who, when meeting Hyena, demand with immeasurable surprise how she can tolerate the libertarian right "as a woman," Hyena now refers them to these few lines in a speech Nick Herbert is to give today at the excellent Cato Institute in the US. After all, surely feminism has won enough battles in this country that "woman" or "feminist" could just as easily replace "gay":

"Gay people are not the property of the left, or of any party. They are not an interest group or a political commodity to be traded. They are not vessels for votes. Gay people are motivated by the same issues as any other voter. They will vote for the political party which best sits with their views – so long as that party does not make itself taboo."

White Rabbit

Jefferson Airplane on the Smothers Brothers:
"We suggest that to appreciate it fully you... well, I don't want to offend anyone but you should... eat a banana while you're watching it. Or smoke a banana if you want to be really out there."


Seriously, does anyone have a more amazing voice than Grace Slick??

In Case You Missed the Metaphor in the Movie

These Gaza-cum-Avatar protesters just want to make it really, really clear:

The Clock

Thanks to the resourcefulness of urbanwayfarer Hyena's got a ticket to see this:

Yeessss

Sold Out in One Minute

Thom Yorke solo show - admittedly in aid of his mate who's standing as Green candidate in Cambridge, but honestly who cares??? In such cases, music > politics.

Does any kind soul have a ticket they want to resell to Hyena?

Video Guide Update

A little one anyway. See right-hand column for this week's Youtube gems from Prescott's GoFourth Circus.

Those Special Shoes In Full

In case you've missed them out and about, Hyena thought she'd put up a little picture of those shoes Sir Michael White so admired:

Who can blame him, eh?

Gary "God-No" Gibbon

Well, Guy News was given the cold shoulder by Gary Gibbon today (Hyena believes his precise words were "Guy News? God no...") at the Parliamentary Pancake Race, sponsored by Lion Eggs. The media don't like it when the cameras are facing the other way, eh? But he couldn't stop us snapping this one of him practising his flipping skills at an early Shrove Tuesday celebration in aid of a charity called Rehab:

Want to see the footage of Gary's ignominious retreat from the limelight? Tune in to GUY NEWS.

Update: Hyena would link to the charity but it's strangely hard to find the site.
Update II: Thanks to commenter. Link's in.

Yo Yeo

Hyena warned you there'd be fireworks eh?

Newsnight Fireworks

Hyena recommends politicos tune into order-order.com around 10.30 tonight. Then switch on Newsnight for some first class fireworks.

Climbing Up the Walls

Setting the Record Straight: All Pies, Not Doughnuts

Eric Tickles to the assembled group of bloggers last night: "This is going to be one of the nastiest, most brutal campaigns in recent history. And that's where you come in..." ("for rebuttal" he then added, an addition that now seems necessary in light of a blogosphere humour failure).

Yes, Tickles then proceeded to give us a highly sensitive briefing on the top-town leak-proof campaign strategy that Party will be implementing through its quasi-independent digital media attack team in April.

- Oh, whoops, Hyena was in James Macintyre's dreams again. For the record, there weren't any nibbles, but the wine was free-flowing.

Aside from the above quote, which is, in fact, accurate, Pickles regaled us with a sorry tale of new media libel: picture the scene. Our good Chief is out in the fields visiting his dear constituents when his blackberry beeps:

Huh, Pickles thought sadly, but no one will believe it. A bit optimistic, perhaps - the tweet was soon to show up in the international press as an example of the democratising power of new media. "Now, I know I'm fat," he told us, "but this is all pies, not doughnuts."

Later, as Hyena stood outside the City Inn she spotted a familiar-looking lanky figure in a beret stepping out with a group of other suits. He turned towards her unexpectedly and, from a short distance away, called out:
"I like your shoes!"
As he turned to walk away Hyena realised it was none other than old Michael White, who, after being refused entry to the bloggers party (doesn't he "never read the blogs"...?) had no doubt drifted away to console himself at the lefty PR bash next door (held, incidentally, by the same firm whose strategy document on Chief Tickles has gotten the Audit Commission into hot water). Now, White might be an old fuddyduddy who takes life a bit seriously, but at least he appreciates good footwear.

Still, he clearly needs a few tips on the gatecrashing side of things.

Tip #1: Don't wear a beret to a Tory bash.

Update: Will Straw's just demonstrated the art of swallowing stories whole, claiming we bloggers are going to get 7am briefing from Chief Tickles during the campaign (Hyena's not even awake at that time). Hyena's got another tip for him: Alan Duncan was there too and he took ByrneTofferings home with him. Kids these days eh?

To Mitigate and Combat Chief Wiggum

A scandal broke in the Sunday Times yesterday about the Audit Commission, a government watchdog whose role is to oversee and police state spending. Alarmed by aggressive manoeuvres on the part of Eric Pickles, the Tories' Chief Wiggum, which included announcing plans to abandon the Commission's raison d'etre (a certain kind of evaluative framework called the Comprehensive Area Assessment) and shift its powers to other bodies, the Commission has taken action.

This action took the form of a transfer of about £60,000 of taxpayer cash to Labour PR slicks Connect Public Affairs, a firm started by Rosie Winterton MP and now run by close mate Gill Morris. (Most readers will recall Winterton, of excessive expenses fame, after she tried to get the fees office to pay for slabs of mineral floss to soundproof her bedroom walls. What devious boudoir chatter was Ms Winterton trying to keep safely between her four walls?)

Connect Public Affairs, a red-rag-waving PR firm with a site full of Stalinesque staff publicity shots, was brought on specifically to "to mitigate and combat the activities of Eric Pickles”. Suggested tactics include sowing division in Tory ranks and to butter up local activists so as to more effectively act as a roadblock to governmental reform.

Hyena's never seen a more textbook case of a parasitic state organ turning away from "public service" and entirely inward on a self-serving quest for survival at all costs. You could barely make up a better flesh-and-blood exmaple of the way the state operates as a predatory interest group rather than as a transformative medium for the public good, or whatever it is paternalist socialists believe nowadays.

For interest's sake, among the Commission's previous fuck-ups-- uh, "missteps" - is the publication of a report highly critical of local governemnts for recklessly putting all their money into Iceland, only for the Committee itself to find it had, alas, just lost £10 million... in an Icelandic bank.

At least Chief Pickles's got this one under control, folks.

"Alright boys, I'm shutting this place down!"

Hope there's someone

Loove this track: